Cru$hEd . . .

It was last year when I met him during a school carnival. I was walking with my friend into the school of business when she bumped into her classmates. I didn't know what actually happened but I remembered I was staring at this particular guy in the group. From that day onwards, he never left my mind. After months of consideration, I finally took the first step. I wrote a letter to him confessing I actually was attracted by him and if we could be friends. I got my friend to pass him the letter and we started being friends. At first, he didn't know what I looked like as he didn't remember seeing me. One day, my friend tricked me into going to her computer lab. He was there. It was then we first met and spoke. He shook my hand and introduced himself. Ever since then, I started seeing more of him. I started sending him messages to his cell phone daily. It could be a daily good-night message or just to tell him to take care. He would usually reply to my messages. One day, after the exams, I finally asked him out. We went to eat dinner and after that, we went back to school at night and sat at the exit staircase staring at the stars, drinking and chatting. It was then I felt that I was really in love with this guy. He sent me home later. From that day on, I could not get him out of my mind. Somehow, I started seeing him quite often. He works at Starbucks so I would go there to study and hang out. Hanging out was just an excuse for me to see him. We would bump into each other in school daily and smile and say Hi. Sometimes, we would joke around and just chat. During Christmas, I bought a gift for him. It took me some time to actually pass it to him. He was appreciative. In return, he gave me a wallet. At first, I was joyful. Then, I found out he gave my friend a Christmas present too when she hadn't bought him anything. But that didn't mean anything to me. Receiving a gift from him was all I could think of. Months later, after our second trip to the movies we started seeing each other less and the messages became less. After 4 months, I finally got my friend to ask whether he liked me or he knew my feelings for him. All the while, she wanted to ask him that but I wasn't ready to face the truth. Deep down in my heart, I actually knew the answer but I couldn't face up to reality. After 4 months, I felt I was ready. I got my answer. He rejected me. He didn't like me. However, my friend didn't tell me that. Instead, she got another friend to tell me the answer over the phone. I kept silent and tears started falling from my eyes. The tears just kept falling. It didn't stop. My heart was shattered. It left a scar behind. I no longer can love. I no longer can face him. To me, love was a mistake. But I would never regret ever loving him.

Living A Lie...

I've always known that I was differeThe Helpnt from other boys. It started at a young age perhaps at age 6. The Help I've always been told that I was different to other boys but these comments came across as more of a criticism rather than an acknowledgment. From a young age I was in love with barbies and dress up in womens' clothing. I simply love all feminine things-anything I see as pretty I latched onto it. I remember seeing hot guys in music videos in the late 80s but I never assumed or thought of myself as gay...just different I guess. In 1997 I found myself having these attractions to males which was confusing because previously I had loved girls, they were the gender that turned me on...now this sudden change, I didn’t know what to make out of all this. I felt a range of emotions; anger, disgust, self loathing, confusion and I felt scared and lost. I wanted to tell someone but I was too young back then. I thought I was being "naughty" in having these attractions. It wasn’t so much in the attraction, but it was what I was attracted to that was the problem. I felt scared of people hating me, treating me differently and perhaps not being nice to me anymore if I told them I was gay. My self loathing went on for 3 yrs until in 2000 I felt tired of hating and beating myself over something that I had no control over so I just accepted that I was gay. Then in 2002 I came out to my parents and told them the sad news. They refused to believe it. They thought I was trying to get more attention out of them . Later they reckon I was confused, or that I read too much books and that it has brainwashed me. But when after all the yelling and tears and dramas in the house, they finally believed me but my father said I had to be straight or he'll disown me and that I'll be kicked out. I have no choice. I was still going to school, and I had no money to rent a room so to speak so I just agreed to be straight-a lie of course but what can I do? I have no job , not enough friends let alone have any money so I needed to lie just so that I can have a ongoing roof above my head. Maybe I'll move out one day once I have a job. But for now I’m eating food in his house, living in his home, so I'll have to obey his rules. Sad but true. That's the beauty of life. (lols!)

One More Time, One More Chance...

I'm a man of a few words. I really detest speaking and most of the time, I like to be alone. Betrayed by   all my past relationships, asking me to love someone again seems so down right impossible. Yet, she persistently approached me. She knew I love to hang out in the library to read books about astronomy. Without fail, she appears everyday to bug me, and no matter where I hide in the library, she always seem to be able to catch me. She persistently tried to open a conversation, and I will just shun her off without fail. This continues for several months - till the day I get annoyed and decides to confront her.
On that fateful day, as I predicted, she approached me at the library again. I grab her and push her to the wall, "Listen girl. I won't hesitate to eat you up if you insist on offering your perfect body to me." I threatened. "Then do it." She retorted. Always wanted to be a chivalrous knight, I followed a strict code of chivalry and honor. She knew she hit my blind spot when I dare not make any advances on her. "Happy Birthday, Gary."
I stared at her with a bewildered look. I took a look at my watch. It's my birthday. She remembers it even when I don't remember. She smile at me and without a word, I was dragged all the way out of the library and into a white Toyota. "David, if you please, to East Coast Park." She said. "Understood." Replied the driver dressed in a simple T-shirt and a black pants. I was too engross in thinking who is this rich pretty girl, thinking about how she knew so much about me, that I pay no heed to the both of them throughout the trip. We arrived at the park and the driver left us there. "Here! Your birthday present! Look up!" She pulled me to a spot and point towards the sky. When I look up, I see the skies blanketed with stars I never thought could be seen in Singapore. "My name's Joan. And once again, Happy Birthday, Gary!" I don't know... That day, I open up to her and started talking to her.
We gradually grew closer and closer to each other as day passes. She's always there for me when I needed someone to talk to. She's a daddy's girl. Her dad gets her what she wants, though she never did ask for anything. I even met her parents during our first official 'date'. The first date was a utter failure, which even resulted in a police case. This unfortunate incident, I will not disclose it, but it's because of this incident, I began to understand what led to my actions that night when I carried an unconscious Joan home. Not because I wanted to protect the weak. It's like, I wanted to protect Joan, even if it cost my life. That's how I feel. Ever since then, every time I see her, my heart will start to beat faster. And I get nervous when I talk to her. I dismiss those feelings as just simply infatuation and told myself that I wont get cheated a second time. I'm really sick of being cheated by the girl I love over, and over again.
When I tried to distance myself away from her, I locked myself in my home. I do not want to go to school, I do not want to go out. I do not wish to see her. And well... I fell ill shortly afterwards. My mom and dad do not have the time to take care of me as they need to work, and being from a family with below average income, I don't rely on medication to recover from fever. I thought about it for a moment and decided to go to school per normal despite this fever going on. In the end, I got permission to leave the school early because the fever is really affecting me. I traveled all the way home and yeah, after closing the doors, I collapsed onto the ground.
A sweet smelling fragrant woke up, and I found myself resting on my bed with an ice-bag on my forehead. I struggled out of my room and I saw a familiar pair of pink shoes on the shoe rack. I proceed to the kitchen and to my disbelief, there she is, cooking. I caught her attention when I fall on my knees due to fatigue. "Hey! You're suppose to rest! You're having such a high fever so don't you dare move! I'll help you to the bed." That said, Joan supported me all the way back to the bed. "Hey... How did you get into my house..?" I questioned. She gave me a smirk and answered "David is so all-knowing. So i figured he knew how to pick-lock and I got him to teach me!".
"I've prepared some rice gruel for you. Don't worry about anything ok? Shut that mind of your's for God's sake if there is any! You're thinking too much at the wrong place, at the wrong time! I'm here to take care of you and you ain't going to chase me away you hear!?" She lectured. I simply nodded as she quickly goes back to the kitchen and back again with the food. "I'm feeding you, so open your mouth!" That said, I do as ordered. My heart feels pink. I feel like crying for trying to distant myself from her, yet she still came back for me and even took care of me when I'm sick. That day, I fallen in love again. With Joan.
We became a couple. Doing everything a couple does except for you-know-what. But this relationship hits a wall when her dad found out about it and strictly refuses Joan from dating me because of my social status - I'm a poor guy and she's a rich girl. Her dad's a traditional man, but her mom had already accepted me. He had already prepared a match-making session for her. When she knows of it, she quarreled with her dad. Her dad ain't letting up, and she is getting desperate. There are times when she ran away from home, there are times when she starts doing foolish things that bring harm to herself. It was a very depressing time in our relationship. During this time, I'm always with her. To calm her down, to be with her, and to protect her. Her dad finally decides to let up, and we thought this became our happy ending.
No. It was not. Two months after...
Her dad decided that the entire family should migrate to Switzerland. Upon hearing that, Joan cried. Day after day, she cried. Even when I'm with her and even when I tried comforting her, she cried on and on. I'm getting desperate once more. I approach her dad to try to talk things out. But to no avail. I spend my entire time to her during her remaining days left here in Singapore. I even slept at her house. I wanted her to stay with me, but I hesitated. When I woke up on the day of her flight, I saw a note left on the bed we slept. Written on it was the time of the flight and a farewell note to me.
One more time... I wanted to see her... I wanted to tell her to stay with me.
One more chance... I pray to whoever's up there watching this episode of my life.
I hurried to the airport but she was not there. I really wanted to tell her to stay with me. I will do anything and everything just to make her stay! I hurried to the customer service and they told me that their flight departed just an hour ago. I cried. I cried and cried. I soon fell into a depression and my grades in school took a heavy blow. She was my life. She was my everything. Yet, Joan refused me one last time to say what I want, and she refused me one last chance to say goodbye.
It's been a few years now. I have a girlfriend and we both love each other very much. Don't get me wrong. I just wanted to share this story on how a perfect relationship is ruined because of our social status. I have gotten over it. So please, people out there who is reading this... If you ever get into such a situation, don't hesitate. Hesitate like I do, and the sands of time will swallow up your Love.......

tHe s@Lty cOffeee..

He met her on a party, she was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her,while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to politeness, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me back home. Suddenly he asked the waiter: would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee.


Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously: why you have this hobby? He replied: when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could felt the taste of the sea, salty and bite, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I will think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who still living there. Saying that, tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched. That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart.


"A man who can tell out his homesick, he must be a man loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home," she thought. Then she also started to talk, talked about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continue to date. She found actually he was a man who meets all her demands: he was tolerance, kind hearted, warm, careful...he was such a good guy but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!
Then the story was just like every beautiful love story: the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life...And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked.
After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you, the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It's hard for me to change so I just go ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste..but I have the salty coffee for my whole life since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. 


If I can live for the second time, I still want to know you and have you as my whole life wife, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again." 


Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her: What's the taste of salty coffee?
It's sweet. She replied.

n@sEeB sAaDe lIkhe RABB nE Kachi pEncil naAl.. :|

Sajan russ gaye... tutt gayi yaari... dushman ho gayi duniya saari... ki kariye hun koi nahi sunda dukhi dil da haal... n@sEeB sAaDe lIkhe RABB nE Kachi pEncil naAl..

 

Sajna ditiyan dard saugatan... haunkeya de vich langh gayiyan raatan... akhiyan meet ke marni pe gayi dukh de kho vich chaal... naseeb sade likhe rabb ne kachi pencil naal...

Maar javanga dukhre seh ke... rova ga hun kalla beh ke... mere naal tu sohniye ni eh chali hai chaal kamal... naseeb sade likhe rabb ne kachi pencil naal...

Jit ke main te har gayi baazi... rakhe rabb ve tainu raazi... hassdeya zindagi langh jandi je rakhda mainu naal... naseeb sade likhe rabb ne kachi pencil naal...

Pyar tere vich rogi hoya... jattan da putt jogi hoya... sapni banke larh gaye teri gutt de kaale waal... naseeb sade likhe rabb ne kachi pencil naal...

Tu ki russ gaya... duniya russ gayi... tere aun di aas vi mukk gayi... samjh ke pagal roore maaran nikke nikke baal... naseeb sade likhe rabb ne kachi pencil naal...

Chot laggi hai sajri sajri... ujar gayi hai dil di nagari... ki hoya hai ronde kyon ho loki karan sawal... naseeb sade likhe rabb ne kachi pencil naal...

Rova gi main kalli beh ke... sohneya tera naa le le ke... tere naal ral ke lekhan meri chali puthi chaal... naseeb sade likhe rabb ne kachi pencil naal...

Kise te kahnu shikwe kariye... vichaar ke jeen to changa hai arriye... aa sheene naal lagg ke maariye... loki den mishaal... naseeb sade likhe rabb ne kachi pencil naal...

Sajna enjh de jaadoo challe, ho gaye doven kalle kalle... bedarda mainu neend nahi aundi langh gaye ne kayi saal... naseeb sade likhe rabb ne kachi pencil naal...

Maar javanga dukhre seh ke... rova ga hun kalla beh ke... mere naal tu sohniye ni eh chali hai chaal kamal... naseeb sade likhe rabb ne kachi pencil naal...

Jit ke main te har gayi baazi... rakhe rabb ve tainu raazi... hassdeya zindagi langh jandi je rakhda mainu naal... naseeb sade likhe rabb ne kachi pencil naal...

Sajan russ gaye... tutt gayi yaari... dushman ho gayi duniya saari... ki kariye hun koi nahi sunda dukhi dil da haal... naseeb sade likhe rabb ne kachi pencil naal...
Sajna ditiyan dard saugatan... haunkeya de vich langh gayiyan raatan... akhiyan meet ke marni pe gayi dukh de kho vich chaal...
n@sEeB sAaDe lIkhe RABB nE Kachi pEncil naAl..

Beginning Of The eNd

"You're a slut of a thing." He gritted his teeth and a tear rolled down my cheek from under my sunglasses.

I felt awkward. Our mate was sitting in the back seat of the car, having to whitness and listen to this. I felt uncomfortable. I can't start imagine how he was feeling. I never asked him. Only apologized.

4 days passed with no communication, apart from thundering on my door, a bunch of flowers left on my doorstep, me re-living the situation over and over, and a few text messages.
I was stuck on the other side of the continent, no way out, with a guy that supposedly loved me, and this was happening. Wake up call at its finest I would have happily agreed.

I asked myself then... Do I live for this stuff? Surely not. If pain's meant to make you remember you're alive, then I would have rather have been dead.

I took him back on day 5 of course.

Painful lOve

i gave and i tried
i gave u all i could give you
but it was all useless
u never saw me the way i wanted u to see me
but the pain tht i feel when i see you with her kills me inside
its like i can actually FEEL my heart break inside
the worst part is that i dont want to let you go
i still think your special to me
and im still am not used to the aching of my heart
bc somewhere deep in my heart i know it will never be
i wish i was like her
ive tried to be like her
but thats just not me
i dont know what i have to do to get u to see me for wat i am
id rather be with u than with anyone else
and i feel like im just doing everything wrong
 tht we r so close but yet so far away
and tht maybe my efforts r useless and tht im pushing u farther away from me
but i wish u could realize my efforts bc even though im tired
i dont want to give up
       no
not on you

Why does this always happen to me

My storys might not be as bad as some peoples on here but it is bad enough to make me cry myself to sleep sometimesmy mum and dad are divorced i used to wait for hours upon hours waiting to be picked up by my dad and sometimes he never came he didnt get in touch for weeks sometimes months he has changed a bit now as he is now paying benifts.but i have only started realising how much pain he has given my mother, another thing is he is 40 and he dates 25 year olds sometimes younger but he is now dating one with a kid and if he mistreats her there is a young child involved aswell.and lately me any mother havent stopped arguing me and my big brother have big and proper fist fights sometimes i wanna get away from it all.at school there is this lad who is 2 years older than me and he harrases me like feels me up and he brags about it to his mates and to me and he wont stop i have tried ignoring him but he always finds his way back around i have also tried telling a teacher too but they said that they couldnt do anything any advice?

fiNiShiNg Of GREECE iN mY ReLaTioNShiP….

My story may be very common to all but may be different to others who have never been in relationships ever. Its very typical story in which a boyfriend is very very and very possessive to his girlfriend that he never allows her to even say hi to other boys.

But at some point it’s very funny, u know. As I believe, the main thing a good and healthy relationship should have is TRUST for each other. I would never say that man was not good as he was and is the best. He can do anything for me….

That day it happened first time, when he found me chatting and just being friend with other guy on a social networking site. The person I was chatting known to me and even him and was about some very imp document. He already knew all that as nothing was hidden from him and so firstly he didn’t say anything but later I don’t know why (may be he felt some insecurity) he asked me to stop chatting with him and asked me to maintain distance. And when I tried to explain him he dint listen and started scolding me badly. His anger at that moment was not common that I have seen before. He even in his anger said very wrong words.

And this happened every time… He did me away from every single man- from his friends (boys), from my friends (boys), and so on…… and its happening even today also…

I just wanted to know that, is this the only trust left in a true relationship when that person clearly knows that I m all his… Why this happens in our society? These little things lead to a dreadful end to serious and true relationships…. 

iN @ nUT sHELL ;

I am 48 years old, 2 divorces, 2 children and 1 grandchild.
He is 52 years old, 1 divorce and 2 daughters.
We met on match 2 and a half years ago.
We had a very nice relationship until my children and grandchild (girl 29 and boy 27 and grandchild 7) came back from Brazil last year.
I saw him distancing from me and then last month he pushed me so hard that in a moment of rage I broke up with him over the phone.
On the next day, I went to his place, apologized and said that I didn’t want to break up.
Too late, he had his mind made up and in a very cold way put an end to our relationship.
He claimed that I didn’t have as much time for him anymore and that we are just too different.
I am crushed! I had planned to spend the rest of my life with this man.
Am I crazy?
Did I choose the wrong man again?
Is he ever going to come back to his senses?
If he does, should I try again?