How To Get Over A Breakup

Breakups SUCK. We all know that. And the pain of a breakup is still fresh in my heart. For nearly two weeks, I walked around feeling like a shell of myself. It was one of only a few times in my life where I legitimately felt depressed.

With that being said, within a month I had found a woman who I was able to have amazing rapport with on all levels. Within a month. Let me explain.

Many people carry the notion that it takes a long time to get over a breakup with someone you loved/still love. This is true. . .to some extent. It is a difficult transition. However, if your transition period has turned into a transition ERA, it may be time to change your perspective. These two changes in perspective will help speed along your healing process, as they helped with mine.

Accepting the Problem

It sounds so simple. If you know what you want in a relationship, you will KNOW if any given relationship meets your standards. But how many of us have had relationships where we just go with the flow. We realize that there’s a problem. Maybe your boyfriend starts spending more and more nights “out with the guys.” Or maybe your girlfriend only confronts indirectly, and you realize that she’s angry long after the issue first appears. We see the relationship as having a problem. But, one of the keys to getting over the breakup YOURSELF as the one with the problem. YOU are the one who has a problem with some aspect of your previous relationship, even if it is simply that you didn’t see a breakup coming (read ”lack of communication”). When you claim the PROBLEM, you reclaim your POWER over what this relationship means to your life. You can begin to reflect on why you have a problem with that part of the relationship, and what your needs are in future relationships.

Valuing the Uniqueness in Others

Accepting the problem becomes much easier if you also change your perspective toward getting back on the market. Many times we carry these feelings that there will never be anyone like that special someone that we broke up with. And, well, this is true. No one can replace that person. However, that is equally true for the unlimited numbers of partners that are available to you after a breakup. The second way to get over your breakup slump quicker is value the unique qualities of people.

Realize that of the women and men that you pass everyday there are limitless amounts of experiences waiting to be enjoyed. Now, I’m not telling you to pounce on the mailman tomorrow, or dive over the counter to make-out with the Starbucks clerk. What I’m saying is to not only be open to the new experiences and perspectives that others have to offer, but to actively VALUE them. Don’t let the past keep you from the endless SURPRISE that the future offers everyday. Ask that hot guy, “Is it hot in here, or is it just me?” Then tell him that’s payback for the pick-up line he tried at the office Christmas party. Make friends with the hot girl down the hall. Tell her you always like to make friends with short people — it makes you feel better about after telling your midget jokes. Don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone. Those are the moments where we we are truly alive.

Have fun! Life is too short to let the past define us. Enjoy,