I would often accuse her of being partial/ ignoring me/ scheming against me/ prioritizing others over me and thus was motivated while making many of her decisions that concerned her friends, especially me. Each of such times she would fight with me, tell me off but then come back, correct me and tell me from right and wrong. This happened so many times that when I think in hindsight, her excusing me for my faults and short comings was maybe as big a gift from her as her love to me.
Each of such times I would also promise her that I will change using my will power, I would overcome all my short comings and everything would soon be better. Little did I realize that will power is effective for controlling of vices, maybe controlling emotions and habits too but fails when one tries to change one's intrinsic nature and I failed, time and again failed and upset her. But Rhea would always come back, sooner or later, we would be together again and me the idiot would start preparing for the next default.
Somewhere during this time because of demise of my Grandfather, our house was put up for sale. Rhea's brother was a part time property broker as well so she gave my number to him and soon her brother and me were interacting too for the sale of the house. But somehow he was not so successful in finding us a buyer as the demands of my parents and uncle and aunts were too stiff. Gradually he even stopped calling me with offers.
The fool that I was and my crazy mind was working overtime. I soon write an email to her saying that she has specifically told her brother to stop looking for a buyer as she, Rhea, would get exposed if the buyer came from her brother as I would have to explain to my family how I met Rhea. And whoops, this mail hits her hard for how could I accuse her of conniving against me, attributing motives where there were none.
She responded to my mail saying she has had enough, enough of me and my negative behavior, my negative thinking and had for all practical purposes finished it off. So she did not ever want to speak to me again. She wanted to put a stop to my childishness as it was becoming unbearable now and I had started targeting her family too. And when I read this mail, I was shocked at what I had done, at the effect it was taking. She had overlooked all my previous misdemeanors and taken them in her stride but this time I guess I had gone beyond what was acceptable.
For the first time ever, I cried, oh how I cried. Night after night, day after day, without any reason and without any provocation I found myself crying and crying. Little did I realize what I was missing but just cried at the loss of someone who had, over time, become close, very close to me. And then i get this brain wave that I am in love, I realized that this mist be love for day and night, Rhea revolved around me. In office, at meetings, at home, during meals and while sleeping too, she started overriding every thought in my mind. I had not doubt whatsoever in my mind that I was in Love.
Initial reactions varied from being over joyed for I had always wanted to experience this emotion to being sad because this discovery came when she had dumped and gone off. I was in no man's land, neither here nor there and did not know how to react. I had a close friend called Mishri (also from Tagged) and I confided this dilemma with her. She said just one thing that if you are so sure about your love, then waste not a moment and go across to her and tell her your feelings before it is too late.
I spent some 1-2 weeks preparing a letter for Rhea. Wrote it and re-wrote it several times before finally one fine day crossed my figures and toes I sent it across to her. I waited with all hope pinned to this one letter, and waited until one fine day she responded. Not positively but nevertheless responded by sending me a return email saying that I did not love her but wanted her so that I could play with her like a toy. Anyway this was an enough opener for me and we had a brief conversation over email thereafter spread over some days.
My friend Rhea was back ... and I loved her…
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